:: what title ::

:: Wednesday, June 14, 2006 ::

emptiness: the state of containing nothing.

i see hell in your eyes.
take it in by surprise.
touching you makes me feel alive.
touching you makes me die inside.

maybe the most intimate thing i can ever have with anyone is friendship. friendship. that ten-letter f-word. complicates sex and everything else. friends are what binds us to the life outside of our family. they are our coccoon which we so often return to, for safety and comfort.

i'll tell you what i reeeally want to do this 'holiday.' i want to keep the promise i made to myself and mom 9 years ago. i want to be a neater, kinder person. i want to clean up the junk in my room, discard old things. get rid of clothes i haven't used in the past six months cos i'll probably not be using them in the next six.

i'd like to be more body-confident and not gasp at words like cellulite and full cream. this may make me fatter but happier. (contented sigh)

and possibly save some money. now this item may prove to be a challenge, seeing that my lamb bank funds are dwindling at a dangerous rate. (faster that you can say kosong) but honestly, with less than a year to graduation.. AND, my eagerness to start independant trip 2007 to thailand. it will be my first time there, oooh. virgin.

but hey, mai pen rai!

euphoria: a feeling of well-being or elation; may be drug related.

to most people, gossip would be the most natural topic of discussion at luncheons and reunions. i'd like to be able to meet people after many years and share with them my dreams. not like, lifetime ambitions, we'll do that after a few drinks cos they always sound more possible then. no, like just the dreams you have at night. or, if you're the lazy kind, the ones you have during the stolen afternoon cat nap.

i am so sure i dreamt i was a super hero last night. and no, it served no purpose such as to boost my ego. i wasn't doing anything like saving the world or rescuing little kittens from trees. i was in superhero school. it was flying classes off an island that greatly resembled daytime Corfu. i quite enjoyed the class. (or at least my subconciousness did)

and then, i was this semi-being. like lord voldermort in his hilarious plasma state. and i was talking to these two american tai tais about their kids who were in my class.

it was pretty exciting, almost as good as my M.C Esher dream.

back to my main point. see, i don't think i can really tell anyone such random things. like when you meet someone in a club, i doubt they want to hear about a dream i had last night, no matter how many marshmallow men or flying tea cups it involved.

well, i'll have to be hopeful that there is a group of people out there just like me. the thought comforts me...

what i enjoy buying
1. bags. in all shapes and colors. just in case.
2. panties, a girl honestly can't have enough.
3. literature. the last book i bought was by sarah waters. geez i never knew prison cells and lesbian lovers were so mundane.
4. gifts. items i think are beautiful or fancy. i'll buy them. think of it as investments for the future with a poor ROI.

krys
:: krys Wednesday, June 14, 2006 [+] ::
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