:: what title ::

:: Thursday, April 29, 2004 ::

i dont need anything from you.i dont need your fucking money.i dont need your love.i dont need anything.oh God,strip me of these stupid ideals i hold on to.these selfish obsessions which benefit me in no way.no way.i keep praying and praying to find peace.and yet all this material wealth just consumes my entire being.and it feels so good.it just feels so good.but i know it will never be enough.sometimes,i just want to make a billion dollars and fly to the moon and live alone(i dont care that there's no oxygen,idiot.)and then i think about how im supposed to love my family;my friends.i dont have friends.i swear i dont.there's not a single person with whom i can run to.i used to think being in a relationship would solve so many problems.but it wont;it never will.yea,its a great feeling and all.but..i dont know.its like..times like these i want to be a nun.and chant all my pain away cos i cant care if they died.im totally cool with it.really.

wonder what its like to retreat to cigarettes all the time.like when im so scared,i could just continuously hit my head on my bedpost til it bleeds...but of course i dont do that cos i cant stand the sight of the haemoglobin-filled liquid.and then i cry.i cry a lot nowadays.like..too often.do you know why i love house music?because it sometimes is my only escape.i dance and i completely surrender myself the to beat.just like alcohol for some.and ciggies for others.house is my addiction.i cant exactly proclaim my hate for everyone openly.and profanity-dripping songs are so funny to me so i cant take them seriously.

its just you and me GOd.just you and me tonight.and maybe for the rest of my life.i see all these people having abortions.. and smoking..and this stupid premarital sex thing.you wanna get pregnant?thats fine.GO ahead.im just so fed up of caring. i dont want to care anymore.its too tiring to care.i feel like stripping off all my clothes and dancing naked.returning to mother earth i call it.bet you're laughing now.and you saying,"what the hell balls?" i do that to people.

not hungry.feeling so unloved.i have the most awful temper which gets me in most awful situations.i miss...i dont even know what i miss.i have plans to run away.but you see,running away solves no problem.so im gonna grit my teeth and stick around.only consolation being me mentally killing all the people i love.hahaaaa..all my family and friends.ok you have to understand i dont mean what im saying right now.im just too pissed off to care if im being rude or immoral.yayee!

i miss yuns.i lost her number and i have no idea how to call her all the way in sydney.and daddy already complained abt my bill for melbourne calls.diediedie.i am so addicted to britneys' toxic.yess! i am a biig fan of hers.ever since im a slave for you,her songs rock man!i mean really,her crooning about how she was conceived for the pleasure of a man was a flop,no?
*chuckles to self*i cleared out my clothes yest..or was it the day before?anyway..i have a lot of clothes to give away..so if you want any,contact me.last time me and ally bought a GAP halter each.when i was small and had no boobs.the old days.
so now i cant wear it.new actually,i think i wore it once.and the purple toga godma bought from supre.also too small.and that jersey top uncle ron gave me.at christmas everyone buys me things that are too small.like im ten or somethin.

nanny nags and nags and nags.im actually convinced this is her second favourite past time besides watching days of our lives.possibly.( i actually really like days of our lives too.but this information is completely irrelevant.)

its getting late to give you up.
slowly,its taking over me.
its in the air and its all around.

sarah i want my track spikes back.oh my gosh,i am infatuated with britney spears.

shit,im out
krys -85-

:: krys Thursday, April 29, 2004 [+] ::
...

you know i cant smile without you.

im finding it hard to do anything.

o well.

leaving in eight days.YAYEE.nan is cooking n im going to clear the room soon.bought a huge bottle of shampoo yest.i know i dont need 700ml of organics hair spa but i know deidre will steal from me when i go there so good la..lucky thing i bought.
yest marc bought diane a diamond ring.*awww* its really pretty.really really!dont know what to get mom for mothers' day.saw jamie at tampines yest.she hugged me from behind.i was actually looking for a gift fer mommios.its may 9th apparently.and o the horror none of us will be here.i would be in perth by then.so will dei n ko is on flight.i think he'll be in korea but im not sure.he's going to sydney this sunday.how nice.....*sigh*

i think i had a dream abt pris last night?im not sure..you know..i cant always remember my dreams nowadays.which,i haven't decided,is a blessing or not.listening to barry white crooning.did i tell u i loaned dei my HP book?i cant believe i did it myself.i was thinking..i definitely would have finished the book in a few days so i wouldnt be able to read on the flight anyway..so ya LOR.im hungreeeeey.

im so bored at home doing absolutely nothing....getting my pay today!ta-ta-daaa!heehee...cant wait,cant wait.ko gg zouk today.i want to gooo.yest i was talking to jac n she asked me what else do i like besides zouk.i i couldnt answer her.i also dunno why.what do i like to do?as in..really reeally like to do.i dont like town and i dont suppose i ever will.there's a difference with being superficial by nature and pretending to be superficial by nature.the latter is just sad.i guess..i like reading.and writing..and though i stopped designing interiors ages ago,i still get a twinge of excitement looking at floor plans.hahah,tis true.and i love music.i can just lay down on the floor and listen to music.i dont have to do anything else. and i dont mind eating(understatement).

i am so fucking sick of orchard.and NO,i will not hang out with u on saturday in front of cineleisure smoking and watching everyone do the same thing as meeeeeeeeeee!why do ppl go to town?its quite ironic really.they're always so 'on' abt being 'in the know' and fashionable(whatever THAT word means).but they buy all their clothes from town.and the place they go to parade their silly costumes is town.silly costumes!!like clowns.and pink is just too overrated.*sweet,syrupy voice* like..umm..one pink sparkly roxy bikini pleeease!and like some salad cos i cant like possibly get more fat.i mean im stick thin but im like still just too darn obese riiight?and could you pass me a couple of those ciggies?cos im like really self concious bout my external appearance but i dont mind having something else to fuck up my insides.and yes i would LOVE to hang out at liat towers with you!what could be more fun than bitching at passers-by?!rebonded hair anyone?

hahahaaa..im tickled.nanny and i are grooving to the stylistics now.i want to be the singapore idol.maybe after i clean the room,il go jogging.later.maybe.im just thrilled.ok my hunger pangs are worsening with every new syllable i type so i best bid you au voir.

cheers,
krys -85-


:: krys Wednesday, April 28, 2004 [+] ::
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