:: what title ::

:: Saturday, January 10, 2004 ::

im just so FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKIN fed up.they are biased and they won't even admit it.
im starting work on monday.and im so glad.i can't wait to get out and just be on my own.and im glad i don't have a second half to worry about.i think matters of the heart would only make me swear out loud again.

listening to portishead now.my newest addiction.they've got a weird song in french as well.and the band thicke.heard of em?i know..all i do nowadays is download music.this ensures that the music drowns out all sounds in my house.i don't call it home anymore.because home is somewhere you go to for protection;for love.and i don't get none of that here.im going out soon.i'm going to shower and i'm just going out.doesn't matter where.doesn't matter how long.just as long as im free.

maybe im just upset/sour cos i havent been clubbin for so long.i need trance.i feed off the music.i always need to feed.*sigh* now that diane & mitch are around,marc,dei n i have no time together.and what moments we have left are overrun with arguements.deidre is so stupid.yesterday,the lady from body shop called & deidre only told me like at almost one in the morning today.i could have lost my bloody job because of her.and she doesn't seem to be making an effort to get her own job.i wonder why everyone looks at her through these rose-tinted glasses.i keep screaming n screaming but my entire family is either deaf or extremly ignorant.

mitchell is a HUGE thorn in my skin.slowly cutting,deeper,deeper into the soft flesh.and so many times he's crossed the line.so many times i wanted to shout "what the fuck do you want asshole?!" but instead i bite my lip till its completely sore the next day.like how after you kiss so much your tongue gets tired from all the contact?yea.like that.he's been intruding into my space.every single day.i have no privacy anymore.i wish i had my own room.yea,it would be messy but at least i would have my own hide-out when days turned out bad or i needed to cry.sometimes,when i have no choice,i just go to the staircase landing on the highest floor.and i look below.its so scary when i look down.but there's this funny feeling right at the bottom of my stomach and at the tip of my fingers.i cant explain it.its funny but..i can taste the wind on my lips and it fills me with this unspoken hope.

when you're feeling kind of mixed up,just remember it's a mixed up world.
and when you're feeling life is just too tough,just remember you're a real tough girl.

ok,i sent an email to pris yest..told her ALL abt life here..but its not that i expect a reply.which is fine...im glad im straight now.i wonder why i ever thought a girl would be enough to satisfy me.(maybe because i was afraid of getting pregnant.)

ciao,
krys -85-

tip of the day:go shop at little india!awesome finds there at unbelievably low prices!





:: krys Saturday, January 10, 2004 [+] ::
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i'm slow like honey and heavy with mood.

so long didn't tell you what's going on.geez.k firstly,i'm in a relatively good mood today.
i think i got the job at the body shop..*starjump*whee.and staff discount is like 50% so i'm like woohoo balls..and the pay is pretty good since the hours are long.like,almost the whole day.*sighness*

i burned three new cds.and they're all RAD.the first one is kinda ambiguous..the second has a few songs from queen of the damned ost(that reminds me..stellas' cd),and muse.i saw their video before and i heard their song.but time is running out must be one of my fav songs of the month.and of course i threw in some texas hits.then the last installment is pretty much perfection.i mean,i'm spinning paula cole,fiona apple & pharells' frontin(this is also a wonderful song.it makes me feel i'm in love.i can't explain. just go listen.then again,maybe it only has such a dramatic effect on me)

i still can't believe i am going to work.my period isn't even consistent yet!!i mean..i went back to kc today and i saw all the girls..and i..i felt old.(i ate mee soup!) but i still felt old.
haiz...they don't even have fucking sports day!what kind of bullshit place has KC morphed into.or maybe it always was but we students were so caught up with loyalty,patriotism and the need of belonging that we just pretended we couldn't see what the hell was going on in there.

i'm so thirsty.actually,i'm always thirsty nowadays..i have no idea why.life must be very strange for camels huh?i wonder if they play with their spit when they're bored.

so then we try,we're keeping it slow now because you ain't used to how fast we touched.how fast we touched...yearn....

long sigh....it's been so long since i felt love.i miss....i miss times with pris.all those special moments when we really did nothing but smile & play with each others' hair. yea,i know it sounds/looks stupid but..ahh.the good/bad old days.i wonder if she ever thinks of me anymore.i don't even know if she got into melbourne uni or not..ohh!
today i saw liza tay..hahaa..cos i went back to school today..wait i told you that already right?yeaa..i did.

and another thing.what's up with boys and boobs?they're like bloody talking to my chest.it's so irritating..SO irritating.sometimes i wish they had boobs too.then all us girls could oogle and point at em.hahahaa!

it's kinda cool though.women have this unspoken power over men.sometimes, it seems that all they ever want is what's between our legs.and it's times like that you realise how stupid men are.they're like this pulp.you just squish it it your hand,watch it bounce off the wall after a good pitch.but i'm not saying women can't be manipulated in terms of desires of the flesh.it's our very bodies that betray us when a trying moment arrives.and all will,all principles we once held fast to,just crumble to the ground.it's ok you don't have to understand me..isn't there a tale about imbeciles and virgins having supernatural powers..shall i release you?must i release you?as i rise to meet my glory.

there is hope yet my sweet.

krystle -85-

:: krys Thursday, January 08, 2004 [+] ::
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