:: what title ::

:: Sunday, August 24, 2003 ::

you know that feeling when you love someone so much and all you get back is so much heartache?and you want to give everything,absolutely every cell of your being,all you can give but the person just won't let you in.either cos she/he is too afraid to love or because she/he has moved on..love is so confusin.it's strange man.how can one single being make the world a brighter place for me?how can one single person make all the missing pieces of my jigsaw puzzle fall into place?how can i still love her when i just got confirmed yesterday.how can i still be crooked after all those meaningless crushes on boys?am i just mocking my faith?i want her so much and the fact is i will never have her ever again.probably not even as friends and i am most certain she has forgotten about me.jac tells me to move on.everyone tells me the same thing.but what can i do if im stuck in that same repeated dream of her and me each night,arms entwined and neverending kisses.and that feeling of security and warmth.is that what love is?why does first love hurt so much.what if i never move on?it'sbeen seven whole months and i..wahlau what is wrong with me?why can't i get the image of us out of my mind?i can't even remember what it was like when i didn't fel her.need her.i'm just like some dependant sea slug now.all slobery and miserable.

my stomach feels twisted now.im not sure if it's cos i ate so much or cos i feel lonely.why am i such a desperado..i can't even control my tears anymore.dad's at the dining table and he's bound to ask me why im crying now.in the middle of a bright sunny afternoon.ah,the joy...

pray.pray.pray.that all i can do cos i don't think anything else can get rid of this kind of pain.even fries and sleeping won't help this case..sometimes i wish i didn't have a heart.

trying hard to control my heart
i look over to where you are
i don't need no words at all


yours truly
:: krys Sunday, August 24, 2003 [+] ::
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